flossing the cat

Cats slaughter hundreds of infants every year. It's a fact. T heir all-time favourite modus operandi is to position themselves over the sleeping body of a newborn baby and suck the breath out of its body, but, as if that weren't enough, they’re also into chest compression, suffocation, and spraying toxoplasmosis all over the fucking joint. In short, they have a rap sheet that would dismay even Herod.  A weight of new evidence suggests that cats may be shapeshifting witches  My mother, who is a regional health and safety overlord, told me this as we were leaving the hospital, following the birth of my firstborn. “I’ve been thinking”, she said, turning to me. “About Winnie and Patsy.” (my cats) “Oh, ok. What about them?” I said. “Cats can suffocate babies”, she said, suddenly gripping the infant carrier. “So, I’m happy to take them to the vet for you, for, well, you know what . And I’m happy to pay for it. As a Christmas present.” “You want to kill the cat